So My Better Half (MBH) and I left our beloved little town of 300 (and our even more beloved town of 7000) and moved to the "big city." And I'm beginning to think that I should get myself a bumper sticker: "Please forgive my good manners - I'm from a small town." Who knew you weren't supposed to look people in the eye! Or that a previously unoccupied lane would suddenly have one speedy and very short-tempered driver who stridently doubts your genetic heritage is as human as it appears.
Still, I think we will like it here. Today I walked to the stores. (Note the plural! They have multiples here!) I forgot chicken, so drove back and found a new, less congested route home again. (Adventure!) It's nice to have other people in the building on the nights when MBH is at work. (Their little yippy dogs on the other hand...) And I don't have to scoop the snow this winter. (Although, if the past couple months were any indication, I don't think anyone else scoops the snow either! Or plows the roads...)
I pulled out P90X Kenpo yesterday and it kicked my tush. But maybe after a few months...
~Stick to it!
Friday, April 1, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The Value of R, part 2
Did I make you wait long enough? :)
So what's the grace connection? Mr. Egg (That's his new nickname, pretty sure he would hate it, if he hasn't already heard it in his past!) provides two six letter acronyms, one for husbands to better love their wives (which we'll skip) and one for wives to better respect their husbands. (And I gotta say, the number one thing I came away with was "assume he doesn't mean to hurt you..." As much as I don't understand how My Better Half could possibly not innately comprehend every little thing that might possibly hurt or offend me at any given point in any given month and thus consistantly never do anything even unintentionally that might be misconstrued by me even on my grumpiest days - sometimes he really didn't do it on purpose.)
So here it is -
C.H.A.I.R.S.=
Conquest - Appreciate his desire to work and achieve.
Value his occupation and support his efforts to provide for you. (Notice: occupation, not prime occupation. Efforts, not success. Grace!) God made Adam to work. Recognize that and always, even in implication, speak positively of his vocation. Say thank you. (Who knew I needed to relearn something taught in preschool!)
Hierarchy - Appreciate his desire to protect and provide.
It is his responsibility to to care for you. Have the humility to accept his correction. (Does it really matter how something is done if both ways are functional? Grace!) Trust that he is concerned about finances and other means of provision. Communicate that you are content with what God provides through your husband.
Authority - Appreciate his desire to serve and to lead.
In a stalemate disagreement, defer to his decision, trusting God for the result. In conflict, be soft-spoken, not pouty. (As if women ever pout!) "Ironically, when a wife fears she will bury her brains, she creates fear in him that he'll be called brainless. And fearing she'll become a doormat, she creates fear in him that he'll be walked on." Praise good decisions, be gracious in times of bad decisions. (Don't say "I told you so!" Even if you did.) See! Grace!
Insight - Appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel.
This boiled down to humility for me. I have held many leadership positions, official and unofficial. As one accustomed to summarizing data to find the best solutions, it's a challenge to concede that my analysis may have missed something! This also means resisting the urge to publically adjust his speech, his skills, his manners, his methods, his drinks, his dress, his habits, his hobbies, his...You get the picture. Grace!
Relationship - Appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship.
You don't actually have to talk! (I remember the first time I realized that MBH thought watching football together for two hours was quality time! Unfortunately, he will probably remember it, too. Not one of my better moments.) Just watch him do stuff. Encourage him to hang with his guy buddies sometimes. (Another great book describes this as "men are like rubber bands - give them some distance and pretty soon they'll snap back!") Grace!
Sexuality - Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy.
(You knew this was coming, didn't you!) "Just as the devil will do everything he can to bring two people together sexually before marriage, he does everything he can to keep them away from each other after marriage." Think of this need as corresponding to your need to talk to him. How would you feel about not talking for weeks? Grace!
Since I'm in a resolutions mood at the moment, here they are:
C - I choose to speak positively of his work and make sacrifices for his success. When he succeeds, it is my success as well.
H - I choose to accept his ways of caring for me and not fight to "stand up for myself" as I did when I was single. When I accept his strengths, he is more open to accepting mine.
A - I choose to give MBH the final word, trusting God for the outcome. As he grows in decision-making and experience, he will learn to value and realistically evaluate my input.
I - I choose to admit that I am not always right (Who knew!) and to resist correcting him. When I accept his counsel, God will use it for good in my life.
R - I choose to make sharing his world a priority. (The dishes won't walk away!) Sharing his experiences opens up opportunities to more deeply appreciate his soul.
S - I choose to never shame him for his needs. What better time to talk then after intimacy?
One final quote: "I believe that ultimately a refusal to submit to or respect your husband is a refusal to trust in God. If we as women believe that God is working in our lives and in our husbands' lives, and we can place ourselves under His authority, then we can submit to and respect our husbands." ~~
So what's the grace connection? Mr. Egg (That's his new nickname, pretty sure he would hate it, if he hasn't already heard it in his past!) provides two six letter acronyms, one for husbands to better love their wives (which we'll skip) and one for wives to better respect their husbands. (And I gotta say, the number one thing I came away with was "assume he doesn't mean to hurt you..." As much as I don't understand how My Better Half could possibly not innately comprehend every little thing that might possibly hurt or offend me at any given point in any given month and thus consistantly never do anything even unintentionally that might be misconstrued by me even on my grumpiest days - sometimes he really didn't do it on purpose.)
So here it is -
C.H.A.I.R.S.=
Conquest - Appreciate his desire to work and achieve.
Value his occupation and support his efforts to provide for you. (Notice: occupation, not prime occupation. Efforts, not success. Grace!) God made Adam to work. Recognize that and always, even in implication, speak positively of his vocation. Say thank you. (Who knew I needed to relearn something taught in preschool!)
Hierarchy - Appreciate his desire to protect and provide.
It is his responsibility to to care for you. Have the humility to accept his correction. (Does it really matter how something is done if both ways are functional? Grace!) Trust that he is concerned about finances and other means of provision. Communicate that you are content with what God provides through your husband.
Authority - Appreciate his desire to serve and to lead.
In a stalemate disagreement, defer to his decision, trusting God for the result. In conflict, be soft-spoken, not pouty. (As if women ever pout!) "Ironically, when a wife fears she will bury her brains, she creates fear in him that he'll be called brainless. And fearing she'll become a doormat, she creates fear in him that he'll be walked on." Praise good decisions, be gracious in times of bad decisions. (Don't say "I told you so!" Even if you did.) See! Grace!
Insight - Appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel.
This boiled down to humility for me. I have held many leadership positions, official and unofficial. As one accustomed to summarizing data to find the best solutions, it's a challenge to concede that my analysis may have missed something! This also means resisting the urge to publically adjust his speech, his skills, his manners, his methods, his drinks, his dress, his habits, his hobbies, his...You get the picture. Grace!
Relationship - Appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship.
You don't actually have to talk! (I remember the first time I realized that MBH thought watching football together for two hours was quality time! Unfortunately, he will probably remember it, too. Not one of my better moments.) Just watch him do stuff. Encourage him to hang with his guy buddies sometimes. (Another great book describes this as "men are like rubber bands - give them some distance and pretty soon they'll snap back!") Grace!
Sexuality - Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy.
(You knew this was coming, didn't you!) "Just as the devil will do everything he can to bring two people together sexually before marriage, he does everything he can to keep them away from each other after marriage." Think of this need as corresponding to your need to talk to him. How would you feel about not talking for weeks? Grace!
Since I'm in a resolutions mood at the moment, here they are:
C - I choose to speak positively of his work and make sacrifices for his success. When he succeeds, it is my success as well.
H - I choose to accept his ways of caring for me and not fight to "stand up for myself" as I did when I was single. When I accept his strengths, he is more open to accepting mine.
A - I choose to give MBH the final word, trusting God for the outcome. As he grows in decision-making and experience, he will learn to value and realistically evaluate my input.
I - I choose to admit that I am not always right (Who knew!) and to resist correcting him. When I accept his counsel, God will use it for good in my life.
R - I choose to make sharing his world a priority. (The dishes won't walk away!) Sharing his experiences opens up opportunities to more deeply appreciate his soul.
S - I choose to never shame him for his needs. What better time to talk then after intimacy?
One final quote: "I believe that ultimately a refusal to submit to or respect your husband is a refusal to trust in God. If we as women believe that God is working in our lives and in our husbands' lives, and we can place ourselves under His authority, then we can submit to and respect our husbands." ~~
Friday, January 28, 2011
The Value of R, part 1
Math is not one of my strong points, so anything that suggests of combining letters and numbers always impresses me. I did pretty well in addition and subtraction. In fact, I still have some parts of the multiplication tables memorized! (Ok, well, mostly just helpful tips such as "When multiplying nine by ...six...for example...subtract one from six and the result from nine and then put the two numbers together: fifty-four.") Anyway, the point is, I was trying to think of an interesting title for this post and it made me think of math. (I know! What a boring point!)
I gained some new insight last night about being gracious. What I think of as me being gracious to My Better Half (MBH), he receives as RESPECT - something that men were created to need. At Bible study last night we got to talking about marriage (A group of women sitting around talking about their husbands and marriage! How unusual, right!) and the book "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs came up. (I feel sorry for him as a kid. A chicken last name and matching initials to boot. He must have developed some character from that!) I had heard of it before, and asked to borrow it. And of course skimmed through the whole thing before finally turning out the lights. (MBH wasn't home to make sure I got my beauty sleep!)
It's a great book! A little slow for me. (I have a critical nature. Can you tell?) I wanted the three steps (or six steps, as it turned out) to being a good wife and moving on. The first third of the book explains why love and respect are important, how they mutually feed off each other, and gives stories of people helped by the concept. (Interesting but unnecessary. I already want to respect MBH and know it will be good for me in return, I just don't always know how to do it.) The second third is addressed to the husbands on how they can better love their wives. (That part was affirming - I'm not crazy for wanting the things I want, or feeling the things I feel. However, I still skimmed it. I don't need help in figuring out all the things MBH is not doing - I can give him a list all on my own.)
So just as I was having trouble propping my eyelids open and beginning to think maybe I should save the rest for tomorrow, I got to the final third - the how to be a respectful wife. And along the way, I understood grace a little better, too.
So how does it work? Wait and see! :) ~~
I gained some new insight last night about being gracious. What I think of as me being gracious to My Better Half (MBH), he receives as RESPECT - something that men were created to need. At Bible study last night we got to talking about marriage (A group of women sitting around talking about their husbands and marriage! How unusual, right!) and the book "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs came up. (I feel sorry for him as a kid. A chicken last name and matching initials to boot. He must have developed some character from that!) I had heard of it before, and asked to borrow it. And of course skimmed through the whole thing before finally turning out the lights. (MBH wasn't home to make sure I got my beauty sleep!)
It's a great book! A little slow for me. (I have a critical nature. Can you tell?) I wanted the three steps (or six steps, as it turned out) to being a good wife and moving on. The first third of the book explains why love and respect are important, how they mutually feed off each other, and gives stories of people helped by the concept. (Interesting but unnecessary. I already want to respect MBH and know it will be good for me in return, I just don't always know how to do it.) The second third is addressed to the husbands on how they can better love their wives. (That part was affirming - I'm not crazy for wanting the things I want, or feeling the things I feel. However, I still skimmed it. I don't need help in figuring out all the things MBH is not doing - I can give him a list all on my own.)
So just as I was having trouble propping my eyelids open and beginning to think maybe I should save the rest for tomorrow, I got to the final third - the how to be a respectful wife. And along the way, I understood grace a little better, too.
So how does it work? Wait and see! :) ~~
Monday, January 24, 2011
Grace
Grace: /graas/
1) a- unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - not by works, so that no one can boast." -Eph 2:8-9 NIV
b- a virtue coming from God
"And from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace." -John 1:16 ESV
2) a- approval, favor
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ...to the praise of the glory of His grace, bu which He made us accepted in the Beloved." -Eph 1:3,6 NKJV
b- an act of kindness, courtesy, or clemency
"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." -Hebrews 4:16 NIV
3) an attractive characteristic
"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." -Colossians 4:5-6
4) a- sense of propriety or right
"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." -Eph 4:29 NKJV
b- the state of being considerate or thoughtful
"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." -2 Corinthians 9:8 NIV
5) to confer dignity or honor on
"He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit...so that, having been justified by His grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life." -Titus 2:5,7 NIV ~~
1) a- unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - not by works, so that no one can boast." -Eph 2:8-9 NIV
b- a virtue coming from God
"And from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace." -John 1:16 ESV
2) a- approval, favor
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ...to the praise of the glory of His grace, bu which He made us accepted in the Beloved." -Eph 1:3,6 NKJV
b- an act of kindness, courtesy, or clemency
"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." -Hebrews 4:16 NIV
3) an attractive characteristic
"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." -Colossians 4:5-6
4) a- sense of propriety or right
"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." -Eph 4:29 NKJV
b- the state of being considerate or thoughtful
"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." -2 Corinthians 9:8 NIV
5) to confer dignity or honor on
"He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit...so that, having been justified by His grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life." -Titus 2:5,7 NIV ~~
Sunday, January 23, 2011
A question of food
Food's just been on my mind lately. I was already pondering it because of certain resolutions made on the occasion of the beginning of a not-old annual occurance. (It is really hard to come up with a synonym for New Year's.) Then it came up at Bible study. Then it came up in a conversation with another friend. As is typically the case after pondering, I came up with an analysis of three dangers to my said resolve:
1) Unhealthy eating - The pop, the ice cream, the processed food, etc. This one is probably the easiest for me. (Except maybe the ice cream. Pretty sure that there is an ice cream gene that just hasn't been discovered yet and I have two of them.) Too much soda and I feel sick. I like to cook and fast food is often disappointing. (How come it never looks like the picture? Is the sandwich in the picture made of plastic? Did they have a "Next Top Cheeseburger" contest to find the most photogenic model? These are the types of things that keep me awake at night. Not really.) But it's still there and I still make the wrong choices sometimes.
1 Corinthians 10:31
"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."
2) Mindless eating - Why is it that eating helps us think? I'm making a to-do list for the day and dental activity seems to activate the most cranial activity. Or if I'm pondering some question (like McDonalds cheeseburger models) and all of a sudden I'm shocked to discover that not only is there a half a brownie in my hand, I've already eaten the other half! Or I'm bored and trying to figure out what to do, and going to the fridge seems most logical. It appears that a significant part of my subconcious is convinced that the answers to life will materialize in the glow of the fridge bulb.
2 Corinthians 10:5
"We demolish arguments and every pretention that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
3) Emotional eating - Why is it that eating helps us not think? Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. :) This realization has been many years and twenty pounds in the making. Those girls who ended a bad day with a pint of Ben and Jerry's? I always thought they were someone else. (I was a Haagen-Dazs girl myself.)Sometimes even a Spirit-filled believer forgets they are full.
Psalm 63:1,5
"O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water....My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods." ~~
1) Unhealthy eating - The pop, the ice cream, the processed food, etc. This one is probably the easiest for me. (Except maybe the ice cream. Pretty sure that there is an ice cream gene that just hasn't been discovered yet and I have two of them.) Too much soda and I feel sick. I like to cook and fast food is often disappointing. (How come it never looks like the picture? Is the sandwich in the picture made of plastic? Did they have a "Next Top Cheeseburger" contest to find the most photogenic model? These are the types of things that keep me awake at night. Not really.) But it's still there and I still make the wrong choices sometimes.
1 Corinthians 10:31
"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."
2) Mindless eating - Why is it that eating helps us think? I'm making a to-do list for the day and dental activity seems to activate the most cranial activity. Or if I'm pondering some question (like McDonalds cheeseburger models) and all of a sudden I'm shocked to discover that not only is there a half a brownie in my hand, I've already eaten the other half! Or I'm bored and trying to figure out what to do, and going to the fridge seems most logical. It appears that a significant part of my subconcious is convinced that the answers to life will materialize in the glow of the fridge bulb.
2 Corinthians 10:5
"We demolish arguments and every pretention that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
3) Emotional eating - Why is it that eating helps us not think? Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. :) This realization has been many years and twenty pounds in the making. Those girls who ended a bad day with a pint of Ben and Jerry's? I always thought they were someone else. (I was a Haagen-Dazs girl myself.)Sometimes even a Spirit-filled believer forgets they are full.
Psalm 63:1,5
"O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water....My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods." ~~
Friday, January 21, 2011
Point of life
(I'm not going to apologize for the dreadful lapse between the initial post and this one. Sometimes, life happens. Be glad I have a life!) :)
I finished "Six Hours One Friday." It was good, but nothing life-changing. For some, it might be. It just wasn't where I'm at. (Probably because I haven't experienced a lot of failure in my past. Doesn't bode well for my future.) I remember reading "Passion and Purity" as a young teen. At the time, I didn't respond very well. I thought some of the advice was crazy, it was unrealistic, and unhelpful. I've never read it since, which is unusual for me. But I suspect it wasn't the author's fault...I just wasn't to the place in my maturity where I understood it. As a young adult, I read "Let Me Be A Woman", also by Elizabeth Elliot, and loved it. As a fiancee, I read "Created To Be His Helpmeet" and soaked it in. But those books came at the right time of life for me. So maybe sometime I'll revisit "Passion..." and get another take on it.
Anyway, next in my quest for reading worthwhile books: "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas. It was required reading for premarital counseling, but really recommended for rereading regularly. (Say that ten times fast! I can't.) The premise is that marriage is to make us holy first, and find joy along the way. Convicting!
All this to get to what I really wanted to post - this quote from it, quoting Liza Mundy:
"'Pay no attention to these tears; they are meaningless. I'm thinking quite clearly; this conversation isn't upsetting me nearly as much as it seems. I'm just fatigued and a little bit stressed and feeling hot!' was what I wanted to say. Because I knew, like most women perhaps, that sometimes tears are no more significant than sweating."
1 Peter 3:7 NAS - "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way..."
What a daunting task! :)
I finished "Six Hours One Friday." It was good, but nothing life-changing. For some, it might be. It just wasn't where I'm at. (Probably because I haven't experienced a lot of failure in my past. Doesn't bode well for my future.) I remember reading "Passion and Purity" as a young teen. At the time, I didn't respond very well. I thought some of the advice was crazy, it was unrealistic, and unhelpful. I've never read it since, which is unusual for me. But I suspect it wasn't the author's fault...I just wasn't to the place in my maturity where I understood it. As a young adult, I read "Let Me Be A Woman", also by Elizabeth Elliot, and loved it. As a fiancee, I read "Created To Be His Helpmeet" and soaked it in. But those books came at the right time of life for me. So maybe sometime I'll revisit "Passion..." and get another take on it.
Anyway, next in my quest for reading worthwhile books: "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas. It was required reading for premarital counseling, but really recommended for rereading regularly. (Say that ten times fast! I can't.) The premise is that marriage is to make us holy first, and find joy along the way. Convicting!
All this to get to what I really wanted to post - this quote from it, quoting Liza Mundy:
"'Pay no attention to these tears; they are meaningless. I'm thinking quite clearly; this conversation isn't upsetting me nearly as much as it seems. I'm just fatigued and a little bit stressed and feeling hot!' was what I wanted to say. Because I knew, like most women perhaps, that sometimes tears are no more significant than sweating."
1 Peter 3:7 NAS - "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way..."
What a daunting task! :)
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Another beginning
One of my New Year's resolutions was to start posting on here again. Already I feel behind. But, I reason, technically, today is the start of my new year because it's the first day that I go back to work. Til now it's been days of nothing but visiting family, sending Christmas cards, visiting friends, watching movies, greeting visitors, hanging with My Better Half (MBH), traveling for family, traveling for recreation, traveling for non-vocation responsibilities, and doing laundry from traveling.
Now real life has come home to roost! Other resolutions -
Spiritually: renew daily time with God.
Emotionally: be more gracious.
Mentally: read beneficial books.
Physically: finally lose this weight even P90X didn't handle. :)
So far, so good. I have my Bible and notebook out. MBH and I discussed an issue and settled it. (The decision wasn't the one I wanted, but I will keep my critical mouth shut this time.) I am halfway through "Six Hours One Friday" by Max Lucado. Today for breakfast I had plain fruit tea, two eggs, 1 1/2 slices of toast and I took my vitamins.
And even though I know the jokes about New Year's resolutions, and the facts behind the jokes...I'm still in favor of them. Everyone needs places to start over, intersections in the road to plant a flag and say "I'm changing direction!"
"From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard Him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away, the new has come." -2 Corinthians 5:16-17
Now real life has come home to roost! Other resolutions -
Spiritually: renew daily time with God.
Emotionally: be more gracious.
Mentally: read beneficial books.
Physically: finally lose this weight even P90X didn't handle. :)
So far, so good. I have my Bible and notebook out. MBH and I discussed an issue and settled it. (The decision wasn't the one I wanted, but I will keep my critical mouth shut this time.) I am halfway through "Six Hours One Friday" by Max Lucado. Today for breakfast I had plain fruit tea, two eggs, 1 1/2 slices of toast and I took my vitamins.
And even though I know the jokes about New Year's resolutions, and the facts behind the jokes...I'm still in favor of them. Everyone needs places to start over, intersections in the road to plant a flag and say "I'm changing direction!"
"From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard Him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away, the new has come." -2 Corinthians 5:16-17
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