Did I make you wait long enough? :)
So what's the grace connection? Mr. Egg (That's his new nickname, pretty sure he would hate it, if he hasn't already heard it in his past!) provides two six letter acronyms, one for husbands to better love their wives (which we'll skip) and one for wives to better respect their husbands. (And I gotta say, the number one thing I came away with was "assume he doesn't mean to hurt you..." As much as I don't understand how My Better Half could possibly not innately comprehend every little thing that might possibly hurt or offend me at any given point in any given month and thus consistantly never do anything even unintentionally that might be misconstrued by me even on my grumpiest days - sometimes he really didn't do it on purpose.)
So here it is -
C.H.A.I.R.S.=
Conquest - Appreciate his desire to work and achieve.
Value his occupation and support his efforts to provide for you. (Notice: occupation, not prime occupation. Efforts, not success. Grace!) God made Adam to work. Recognize that and always, even in implication, speak positively of his vocation. Say thank you. (Who knew I needed to relearn something taught in preschool!)
Hierarchy - Appreciate his desire to protect and provide.
It is his responsibility to to care for you. Have the humility to accept his correction. (Does it really matter how something is done if both ways are functional? Grace!) Trust that he is concerned about finances and other means of provision. Communicate that you are content with what God provides through your husband.
Authority - Appreciate his desire to serve and to lead.
In a stalemate disagreement, defer to his decision, trusting God for the result. In conflict, be soft-spoken, not pouty. (As if women ever pout!) "Ironically, when a wife fears she will bury her brains, she creates fear in him that he'll be called brainless. And fearing she'll become a doormat, she creates fear in him that he'll be walked on." Praise good decisions, be gracious in times of bad decisions. (Don't say "I told you so!" Even if you did.) See! Grace!
Insight - Appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel.
This boiled down to humility for me. I have held many leadership positions, official and unofficial. As one accustomed to summarizing data to find the best solutions, it's a challenge to concede that my analysis may have missed something! This also means resisting the urge to publically adjust his speech, his skills, his manners, his methods, his drinks, his dress, his habits, his hobbies, his...You get the picture. Grace!
Relationship - Appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship.
You don't actually have to talk! (I remember the first time I realized that MBH thought watching football together for two hours was quality time! Unfortunately, he will probably remember it, too. Not one of my better moments.) Just watch him do stuff. Encourage him to hang with his guy buddies sometimes. (Another great book describes this as "men are like rubber bands - give them some distance and pretty soon they'll snap back!") Grace!
Sexuality - Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy.
(You knew this was coming, didn't you!) "Just as the devil will do everything he can to bring two people together sexually before marriage, he does everything he can to keep them away from each other after marriage." Think of this need as corresponding to your need to talk to him. How would you feel about not talking for weeks? Grace!
Since I'm in a resolutions mood at the moment, here they are:
C - I choose to speak positively of his work and make sacrifices for his success. When he succeeds, it is my success as well.
H - I choose to accept his ways of caring for me and not fight to "stand up for myself" as I did when I was single. When I accept his strengths, he is more open to accepting mine.
A - I choose to give MBH the final word, trusting God for the outcome. As he grows in decision-making and experience, he will learn to value and realistically evaluate my input.
I - I choose to admit that I am not always right (Who knew!) and to resist correcting him. When I accept his counsel, God will use it for good in my life.
R - I choose to make sharing his world a priority. (The dishes won't walk away!) Sharing his experiences opens up opportunities to more deeply appreciate his soul.
S - I choose to never shame him for his needs. What better time to talk then after intimacy?
One final quote: "I believe that ultimately a refusal to submit to or respect your husband is a refusal to trust in God. If we as women believe that God is working in our lives and in our husbands' lives, and we can place ourselves under His authority, then we can submit to and respect our husbands." ~~
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